Me

Warning: I'm a bitch. I think I know everything, yet I admit I've got a lot to learn... got a problem with that? Then you won't enjoy reading this.

The name's Breanna. I go by Brea, the A's silent. Some call me BreaMarie, others Breaness. I'm the ripe age of 18, born on November 30th, in San Diego California to two of the loveliest people you'll ever meet, James and JoAnne Sisk. My parents are two very amazing people, and I'm glad to say that I'm their daughter... and the only one. If you know me, you'll know that it shows. That's me, love it, or leave it. Either way, I don't give a damn.

I'm a student at Towson University, studying in the field of Electronic Media and Film. I've been working at my current job since August of 2004; I'm an intern at a TV studio at a local retirement community. The job title doesn't sound as great as it is, but I truly love my job. It's extremely rewarding, and I work with two of the best people I've ever met. They also happen to be two of my best friends. Thanks to one of the guys I work with, I've gotten some great opportunities... I work freelance occasionally for the Maryland Terrapins through Kitay Productions. I've also done a little bit of freelance for Retirement Living, a new cable network scheduled to launch in September 2006. Recently myself and the boys from the studio filmed a rock show for a local band, Havok in Hollywood. It's turning out wonderfully... What can I say? I love what I do.

I'm a violinist. I've been playing since the fourth grade... and I'm still with it. Not into it as much as I should be, but I'm sticking with it. I play in the University orchestra and I also take private lessons with Zoltan Szabo. He's an amazing man and a great violinist and it's a pleasure to study under him. I love music, and it's a huge part of my life. I love singing, dancing, and all sorts of music. I'm in my element when I'm singing, playing violin, or at a concert... of any sort.

I'm a very independent girl... it took a while, but I'm finally genuinely happy with who I am. It also took a while for me to realize that you can't be happy in anything until you're happy with yourself. Not your job, not your education, not in friendships, and surely not in relationships. These things all help you become who you are... but if you rely too much on any or all of them, you'll be entirely too lost if indeed one day you do lose any of them. I'm not saying you can't give your all in your job, your education, your friendships or your relationships-- by all means, do! I do... but you always need something to fall back on... falling on your ass hurts a lot worse than falling on your face. And if you're like me, and you've got a little extra padding in that area, it's a lot easier to bounce back from.

I feel like I've learned a lot in the past few years... and I feel like I'm more mature than the average 18 year old... then again, I'm sure all 18 year olds feel more mature than they truly are. You never know how wise or unwise you were until you die, or you learn more, and look back at how much of a fool you were... Still, I really know what I want to do with my life, and how I can go about doing it. Though I know nothing in life is sure... I know that whatever comes my way, I can deal with it, and I'm prepared to do what I need to to become who I want to be.

I don't have many friends, but those I do have, I cherish... and I know aren't going anywhere, not for a while. Basically, anyone I consider a friend, is a best friend. Most anyone else is an aquaintance, and to avoid sounding like a total bitch, I call them friends. I could count my friends on one hand... but who needs numbers when there's so much there? I've had friends. I've had a lot of friends... a lot of best friends. A lot of "buddies" that I'd hang out with every other day for about a year or so, and then over something stupid they'd go away. I've been in groups of friends, where everyone seemed like a great big family... then one by one, they all went their separate ways. I've been in groups of friends, where really no one was your friend... you were all just connected through one central person, or one central thing, and when that thing was gone, there was nothing. No one to care about your new shoes, no one to truly care when you got dumped. Just people who need rides and now know they can start seeing your ex. I don't understand the need for so many friends. When you've got a few or even one, genuine friend... and a good head on your shoulders... there's really no need for anything else.

I'm a person you can trust. I might not keep my mouth shut all the time... I'll be the first to admit if you tell me something about someone I care about more than you.. they'll find out... and fast; however, I am someone to trust. When I'm someone's friend... I'm there for them when they need it the most. I might not always be on time, and I might not always be 100% reliable... but when it's important, I'll be the first one there. When I love someone, I love them with all of me. Friends, Family, Otherwise. I've had people I've trusted. People I've loved... people I thought would never leave. Then they did... and I moved on. But there's one thing I've learned... and that's when someone needs you the most... no matter what is going on with you, or has happened between the two of you... you should be there. There are some people that no matter what, despite the shit we've been through, and the fact that I no longer want them to be in my life the way they once were... I'd be there when they needed it the most.

My mind is constantly going. Sometimes too fast. I can't hold on to a thought long enough. I'm an awful speaker unless I rehearse something in my head a dozen times. I often lose my train of thought in the middle of a sentence, get lead on to something else, and completely forget where I was. I never could stay on topic in papers for high school. That's why I always failed them. Tough-- that's me. I often have good ideas, I just never know how to convey them, and by the time I figure it out-- it's too late. It's the only reason I write. My ideas I feel are sometimes things that are worth sharing... or at least getting out for my sake. It's just, I wish I were better with words, I could get across the things I think... the things I've learned.

I'd lost myself for a while... and it's taken some time, but I think I've found myself again. For a while there... from about October through January, I had no idea who I was anymore. I was quiet... the first time in my life that people would honestly say that I was introverted. People who had met me for the first time around then probably thought I was deathly boring. Hell, I was. I was a boring adult, with a 9-5 job (actually-- 8:00 to 4:30, but who's being technical?) a job I loved, and I still do, but that was my life. I dated a guy who was 24, and thought his life was over, and he'd missed out on any opportunity to succeed... hell, with that attitude, how can you expect any different? I was quiet. Sad. And very not myself. I've always been a goofball... bubbly... fun. I'd lost that. It took someone who's very special to me, to help me find that again. And I'm very grateful that he's a part of my life. Martin, my boyfriend, is someone I truly adore. He makes me so very happy, and I'm very glad he's a part of my life. We haven't been together that long, but he's made more of an impact on my life than some people I've known for years. Thanks to him, and the help and acceptance from his friends, I found myself, and somewhere I belong. If it wasn't for them... who knows what I'd be like now?

If you've made it through this far, there are two possibilities to why you have. Either, you're fucking bored out of your mind... or you know me, and want to see how well you know me. I kind of went all out on this, so if you've read it... good for you! I can say, it was more for me than anything. Sometimes it's good to take a step back, and analyze yourself... maybe even see if people see you the way you see you... or the way you want to be seen. Or if you don't give a damn, it's a good way to waste a good chunk of time and toot your own horn!

Well, that's me... love it or leave it.